After the Fundoshi: Yokozuna Out to Farm

When athletes retire from other sports, they usually retreat into a life full of terrible clothes, even worse golf and lots and LOTS of apparently really good food. If you have any doubts about what that means, look no further than our favorite big man from yesteryear, Sir Charles Barkley…
Clearly the man has not missed a meal!

But what happens when you’re already a big guy, say for example, a sumo wrestler? The recent retirement of the the baby-faced (but drunk and violently tempered) yokozuna, Asashoryu, had me thinking: what do sumo wrestlers do when they leave the sport? Do they go for what they know and take up coaching? Or do they get in to showbiz? Or do they spend their later years knocking down residual groupies? We see you #23!!!
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Well, If You Say Like That….

So you should know from my last post that I HATE being pointed at! There’s perhaps nothing ruder or more threatening than an index finger extended, stabbing the air! The only thing worse – besides actually drawing blood, that is – would have to be someone saying “Hey, you!”. It makes my blood boil! And if finger pointing arouses my “fight or flight” response, a “Hey, you!” is a sure way to get me to stick around and teach you some manners

There is of course always an exception to the rule! And ladies and gentlemen, behold the exception to the rule:

Well, if you say it like that….. LOL But Nakata is ALWAYS the exception to the rule! I mean look at him!!!

Music: Lady Gaga

Most of thought Kanye was off his rocker when he said some months ago that Lady Gaga was the new Madonna. Y’all were like, Lady Who??? Yeah, I know! I dug her first couple of songs. But I’m gay, and this stereotype is true, GAY MEN LOVE POP LOVE MUSIC! I mean Poker Face was in heavy rotation in 2-chome and the children were getting their lives!

It’s taken the rest of you a while to get in to her. She’s out there! Waaaaaay out there, like from the Oort Cloud! And that’s before you even really notice what she’s wearing, which is a best described as a hodge-podge of Madonna-inspired 80’s punk, ultra-modern European haute couture and apparently the Spring/Summer line of her home planet’s hottest fashion designer whose name can’t be properly expressed in any written Earth language but sounds alot like “Bob”. There’s also of course the matter of her live performances which are nothing if not intense. Still, all that aside, y’all can’t deny her sheer brilliance. I mean, at the end of the day, she can actually sing!

In her latest video, she combines the hottest Sea Monkey fashions, a bit of MJ’s (May the King rest in peace) Thriller, and more intergalactic haute couture than any three fashionistas styled personally by Kanye the God could shake a stick at!

You’ve seen it before, but I KNOW you want to see it again!

Fame Monster

The Catch-Up Part IV: Party Like It’s 1999!

With my descent in a full-blown depressive state slowing, I was thinking that I might actually want to go home. Part of me needed to go home to be with my family after a rough past few months. But apart me want to go to take part in the festivities that was my 10 Year High School Reunion! Yeah, that’s right…. 10 years!!!

After weeks of ambivalence about going, I finally made up my mind: I was going! All the mixed feelings aside, I had an awesome time. And it was exactly waht I needed to get my mind off my all my troubles, and level myself out of my depression. Booker T. Washington Class of 1999, you f-ing rock!

Tranny Trash Burgers

Sure, I’ve been out to the random joint here or there, or for a cocktail or 10 in Ni-chome with the boys. But I haven’t REALLY hit the scene in quite a while. (I did go to one party where I met a very interesting character I’ll call “Pharrell Fan” but more on that in a different post.) Blame it on the recession! Indeed…

In my absence though, the City Under Red Sun has been taken over! Taken over, I tell you!!! Like when General Zod and his crew went and wrecked shop all up and through Metropolis! But there aren’t three, there are FIVE of them! Not since Godzilla emerged from the ocean has the City faced such a threat!

Ladies and gents (and everything in between), behold your negation! Behold, Miss Kisstress, Lady Pussy L’Amour, Princess Katarzena D’Porte, Countessa Vershuka Horkova and Captain Nonke, AKA the Tranny Trash Burgers.

Luckily for all of us – Natives and Residents alike – these devastating divas are less concerned with murder and mayhem and world domination. And more concerned with obscenely outrageous fabulousness. Your President (or Prime Minister) will not have to bow before them. Instead, they might “bow” before him. LOL All, except Captain Nonke, that is ’cause nonke don’t get down like that.

And here they are doing what they do best…

In addition to terrorizing the populace,  the TTB’s are also hitting the small screen! Peep the outrageousness! (courtesy of the Baltic Bombshell AKA Genkiserb – Thanks, babes!)

Tranny Outrageousness After the Jump

Resident Extraordinaire: Anthony Moynihan

So I took my Brother Pat, who was here visiting, up to Ageha for party. It was a yet another drunk night in which the details are all a blur. But I remember at some point I was cornered by two very beautiful ummmm, “women”. At first we were talking about my frat brand, but then the conversation turned to piercings. “Do you have any piercings?” ummm… she asked. “Yeah,” I replied. I can’t remember know how I was convinced to show them. I was drunk so I prolly didn’t need very much convincing at all, but right there in the middle of Ageha I pulled out my joint and showed them my piercing. Let Anthony tell it, he was in love with me from that very moment! (But then again, isn’t everyone! LMAO)

We exchanged numbers and it was only after 3 months of emailing back and forth that I realized that the “woman” I met was actually a man!!! Yeah, I’m slow but if you see how beautiful and fabulous Tranny, as he’s most affectionately known, is as a woman you’d be inclined to forgive my country-boy dense-ness.

We became fast friends! Hitting all the fabulous parties, meeting all the beautiful people, experiencing the city as absolute rockstars. A native of London, he’s been here in the City 13+ years now, and as a fashion designer, stylist, interior designer, party host and all around diva idol, he knows EVERYONE (and just about everything)! But more importantly, EVERYONE knows HIM! He’s the archetypal Resident Rockstar Extraordinaire, and my 先輩 [sempai: mentor].

All the many outrageously fabulous (and fabulously outrageous) parties aside, he’s a true angel-heart, who’s taught me so much about being true to myself and living my life in abundance. He’s helped me find my own inner fabulousness and showed me by living example how to live boldly in it. And then, when my world turned upside down last year, he was there to help me pull it all together. And it’s for that I’m eternally grateful.

I could go on and on about just how absolutely amazing Anthony is as a person, an artist and a friend. He’s just that kinda spirit that not only commands that kinda adoration but inspires everyone he meets. Yes, I stan for him!!!

This is waaaay LONG overdue! But yea….

I love you, Tranny! XOXO
Tranniliciousness After the Break!

Diva: Cristiano Ronaldo

Ladies (biological or otherwise) and gentlemen, allow me to introduce one of my other diva idols: Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo. No, he’s not a Resident of the City Under Red Sun, and to my knowledge at least he’s never even been here before. But the life he gives me transcends all space and time!

For the record, I’m not a fan of futbol internacional [read: soccer]. I am however a HUGE STAN of some of its players.  And by “some” I mean just about all! I mean these boys are truly beautiful examples of human engineering, irrefutable proof of intelligent design. And none more so than Cristiano!

He’s apparently one of the greatest players of the game, winning last year’s FIFA World Player of the Year as well as countless other accolades. And just recently he was bought up by Real Madrid for a record $130 million USD! Yeah, yeah… all that’s great! But I’m really not impressed by any of that.

What gets my, ummm, heart pumping, though are his immaculate good looks and fit boy-bod, perma-tanned for the gods. Add to that his just-this-side-of-the-rainbow (which side?) uber-metro, uber-diva European fashion sense. Add to that his absolutely adorable broken English….. I’m a sucker (no pun intended) for a boy with broken English. And on top all of that, on top of all that, this man stays shiny and oiled. You gotta love a man that’s ummmmm, well lubricated….

FYI, there are NO pics of this man that are not-NSFW! And judging by how light-headed I get whenever I see them, I might even venture to say that these pics may just be NSFL! That’s right, NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!!! LMAO

Proceed at your own risk!

Diva: A Reason (or Two) to Stan

I stans hard for Kanye!

Wanting to get it in (IMMEDIATELY) with Kanye has nothing to do with him being gay (or not). It’s a creative genius thing really. I mean, the man is a f-ing creative genius!!! If Jay-Z is our generation’s Sinatra and B is our Tina Turner, Kanye has to be like our generation’s Prince or Rick James! So he’s either gonna turn you out with just a look in his eye, or he’s gonna smack you, tie you up and beat you for three days! How could you deny him? World, I wonder… WHY WON’T YOU LET THIS MAN BE GREAT? Really??? LMAO

I mean, my man is from the 24th century for real. And Captain Kirk ain’t got anything on Kanye. We got him walking on the moon one minute and the next minute he’s giving us the raw and unadulterated fever. Peep how he even recruited the alien queen to star in his video… got her all paranoid! GENIUS!!!

Kagero

Recession or not. Broke as hell or not. I’m still trying to get it in with the partying. If you follow my blog you know I got my parties that stay in rotation on my social calendar. Kagero at Club Arch is one of them. It’s one of the very few Hip Hop and R&B parties in Ni-chome. How could I miss it?

So yeah, I was broke. But I said, “‘F’ it!” I called up the crew, turned my swag on and hit it. A night of ignorant fun ensued, made all the special by the depth of the crew. We owned the floor. And we got our lives. Felt like I hit a brick and ate the mushroom.

More Kagero pics after the break

Hidetoshi Nakata

I can’t honestly say that I stan for this one. Truth is, I’m not a fan of soccer for real. Being where I’m from, there’s only one football! Still one can’t deny the unnatural hotness of soccer boys. Beckham… Christiano Renaldo… I could stop right there! I’m saying, these men are HOT! But the pantheon of soccer sex gods would not be complete without one Hidetoshi Nakata! I know, I know… I’m supposedly off the J-boys (for the moment at least) but along with Kenji Furuya, I’mma have to make an exception for this one! It’s that serious!!!

Hide, as his fans call him, is a certifed soccer god here in Japan. Outside of Japan, his soccer skills have been a lil’ less than spectacular, so I’m told. But his ulta-metro fashion sense has earned him alot of attention in all the fashion cycles. And caught the eye of the Children the world over, including yours truly. That, and the persistent rumour that he plays for our team. I don’t know. My Gaydar fails me, especially when it comes to J-boys. That hasn’t stopped me from crushing though.

He’s retired from the sport. But he’s very active in international causes. And is still a very martketable personality. In fact, it was this recent ad I saw in the train station that prompted this posting.

I know most of you don’t read Japanese, but check out his site. There are plenty of pics and videos to make you to fall in love with him too!