The Ubiquitous Mask

Swine Flu, err…. New Flu, err…. H1N1. This bug has so many names now, it’s hard to keep track. Whatever you call it, it’s everywhere and spreading. And although this new strain is powerful and highly contagious, it so far hasn’t proved itself anywhere near as lethal as it’s more traditional cousins.

Still, people are rightfully concerned and taking the necessary precautions. For those that qualify, these precautions include the highly controversial H1N1 vaccine. Is it safe? Does it work? Even the so called experts aren’t entirely sure!

These days almost every public space is equipped with a bottle of alcohol-based hand sanitizer. I’m a dyed-in-the-wool germaphobe, so y’all already know I’m thrilled because this means that I don’t have to wash my hands in ice cold water or wipe my wet hands on my pants But, I’m especially thrilled because, although Japan seems unwilling or unable to provide either hot water or paper towels, at the very least it seems people are finally embracing the one thing known AND proven to cut the spread of contagious agents… alcohol-based sanitizers.

All the sanitizer aside, Japan, like the rest of Asia, remains committed to its face masks. According to some, it’s to prevent the wearer from getting sick. But according to others, it’s to prevent the wearer from spreading his/her germs with others. Which ever you choose to believe, seems everyone ends up wearing one this time of year. Like, gloves… check. Scarf… check. Hat… check… Louis Vuitton… check. Face mask… check!
Continued after the break

Burger Madness!!!

No, this is not the post that I wanted to write today! I’ll have to get back to you on that. But I promise I will! This was just too good to pass up…

So I meet up a with my former work 先輩 [sempai - senior colleague] for lunch this aftenoon. And we went to one of our many mutual favorite places for lunch… Burger King! We used to go  there at least once a week, sometimes twice even. How disgusting, I know right! But who can really deny that flame-broiled deliciousness??  I can’t. So I don’t even try anymore.

Now before I get into to this bit of burger madness, I gotta say that burger joints in Japan really go in when it comes to trying out crazy new ideas. It’s a common marketing strategy here to just try something and see how well people like it. First, there was McDonald’s MegaMac. Then, there was Burger King’s Angry Whooper. McDonald’s then developed a whole line of season traditional Japanese flavored burgers. And now this!

Collaborating with Microsoft and their recent release of Windows 7, Burger King introduces for a limited time only, the Windows 7 whopper, with a whopping 7 beef patties! They said, “F— super sizing you! We’ll kill you right now!!!” And the fine print: the first 30 customers each day will get it for only ¥777 JPY (around $8 USD). You late mofo’s though will have to pay ¥1,450.

I know better than to order something like this. But there was a table of Japanese suits who all ordered one each! They didn’t quite know what to do with it though, so they spent the whole time taking pictures with their cellphones. サラリーマン、頑張ってね!!!

Diva: Cristiano Ronaldo

Ladies (biological or otherwise) and gentlemen, allow me to introduce one of my other diva idols: Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo. No, he’s not a Resident of the City Under Red Sun, and to my knowledge at least he’s never even been here before. But the life he gives me transcends all space and time!

For the record, I’m not a fan of futbol internacional [read: soccer]. I am however a HUGE STAN of some of its players.  And by “some” I mean just about all! I mean these boys are truly beautiful examples of human engineering, irrefutable proof of intelligent design. And none more so than Cristiano!

He’s apparently one of the greatest players of the game, winning last year’s FIFA World Player of the Year as well as countless other accolades. And just recently he was bought up by Real Madrid for a record $130 million USD! Yeah, yeah… all that’s great! But I’m really not impressed by any of that.

What gets my, ummm, heart pumping, though are his immaculate good looks and fit boy-bod, perma-tanned for the gods. Add to that his just-this-side-of-the-rainbow (which side?) uber-metro, uber-diva European fashion sense. Add to that his absolutely adorable broken English….. I’m a sucker (no pun intended) for a boy with broken English. And on top all of that, on top of all that, this man stays shiny and oiled. You gotta love a man that’s ummmmm, well lubricated….

FYI, there are NO pics of this man that are not-NSFW! And judging by how light-headed I get whenever I see them, I might even venture to say that these pics may just be NSFL! That’s right, NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!!! LMAO

Proceed at your own risk!

Tree of Heaven(?)

The air is heavy with the smells of the City in bloom. Smog. Cigarrette smoke. Pollen. And wait…. what’s that smell? Smells like the palms of a teenage boy’s hand! Smells like…. like…. like semen! It’s everywhere!!! The smell, that is! LOL… I’m equally parts disgusted and aroused. My senses are confused by the discongruency of that smell here, on my way to work, in the office, on the bus home… EVERYWHERE! Everyone cutting eyes like, “Is that you?” No, it’s not me! Fortunately, Ms. Lewinsky, it’s not you either (this time)! No, apparently it’s the stink of a tree called “the tree of heaven”.

Ailanthus aka “the tree of heaven” aka the “[insert common 3-letter word for semen] tree” is native of China but is common throughout East Asia. In the US, it’s considered an urban parasite. But here in the City it’s used to line the streets it seems. And the collective smell of all those trees is both overwhelming and inescapable. According to Wikipedia, the smell “tends to resemble the smell of strong cat urine or the spray of a male cat.” But ummm, let this be a reminder to all that Wikipedia gets it wrong sometimes, because they’ve certainly gotten it wrong here! That is, unless “spray of a male cat” is a gross euphemism for…ummm, you know!

So this is what Heaven smells like???

Swine Flu in the City

Taking a break from mania-fueled boy lust, I was struggling to come up with something blog-worthy. I mean, you get it already, yeah… I’m a great big gay and I love cute boys! But my beloved Mexicans saved the day with their hottest export since Taco Bell, SWINE FLU! Yes, SWINE FLU! (Malcolm told y’all that pigs were nasty!)

Swine Flu cases are popping up all over the world and has doctors and health officials everywhere racing to prevent the global pandemic that they’ve long worried Bird Flu was supposed to become (but never did). Swine Flu, though, is the real deal! Or so we’re being told. Over 150 have died, several thousand have fallen ill, and the World Health Organization has sounded the alarm. Public health officials have responded with travel restrictions and strong advisories.

Here in the City Under Red Sun, concerns are high. This is after all a “島国” [shimakuni: island country], and the outside world, now as always, presents itself as a grave risk to the eternal “和” [wa: peace and tranquility]. Yeah, ummm… so officials here are taking no chances, screening passengers, quarantining imported pigs, stockpiling anti-virals and warning the citizens.

And the citizens have responded, as they so predictably do, with blanket fear… and a face mask. Part to protect others from the wearer’s germies (how thoughtful!) and part to protect the wearer from everybody else’s, face masks are a common sight almost year-round… through cold season, flu season and then allergy season. In fact, a visitor to almost any East Asian country on any given day would have to be blind not see a least a dozen or so masks before they even cleared customs!

I’ve been here in the Land of the Red (Rising) Sun for almost 4 years now and I have never worn a face mask. I say it proudly: NEVER! And not that I haven’t been seriously sick on a number of occasions. It’s just that I’ve never been convinced that face masks actually do anything to prevent the spread of infectious agents. In an article yesterday on Japan Times, British health officials co-signed my sentiments, stating that:

“…available scientific evidence does not support the general wearing of face masks by those who are not ill while going about their normal activities.”

Read the entire article here.

My sardonic wit aside, I don’t ever want to come across as a basher. But I’m just a staunch believer in the value of good ol’ handwashing, with soap and hot water, gargling with salt water and/or peroxide, taking a daily multivitamin, and coughing into one’s sleeve (NOT hands!). I’m also a very staunch believer in calling in sick from work or school when I’m ill. God knows that I ain’t afraid to call in like: “すみません、病気になりましたので今日仕事に行けなくなりました。” [Sumimasen, byouki ni narimashita no de kyou shigoto ni ikenaku narimashita.] Hell, it is what it is, my fellow residents! It’s OK to call in sick when you really are (and sometimes maybe when you really aren’t). I promise, your Shinto gods’ll forgive you! But no! You’d rather commute through one the most densely populated megapoleis, sit in crowded, poorly ventilated office, and wear your ineffective face mask.

This is why I’m such a “you-so-nasty” side-eye throwing germophobe! No, I might not wear a mask. But I stay vigilant. And I stay with a bottle of tepika alcohol gel in my murse at ALL times!

Yeah, y’all might’ve gotten me in the past. But I will NOT be getting hit with this one!!!

Return to Department H ‘09

So after a few hours at Fancy Him, Sasha and I and a few of her girls made our way waaaaay across town to Uguisidani. An unlikely place for a party, I know, but that’s the crazy thing about the night time here in the City Under A Red Sun… the craziest things happen in the places where you’d least expect them. Such is Department H!

I’ve blogged about it before, and there are – or at least were – pictures of some of the goings on. Those pics were very much NSFW (and have apparently been taken down!). Pics from this visit are even more NSFW, so much so that I might venture to say that they are NFSL (read: Not Safe for LIFE)!!!

So no, there aren’t any pics. And no, there certainly isn’t any video. Needless to say, that it was outrageous per usual. And ended with some most unusual happenings upstairs with a certain beautiful (if I might say so myself) young man and a certain beautiful not-so-young tranny! Ummmm, yeah, on that note. I’m asserting my Fifth Amendment privileges and wrapping this up…..

Rockstar Extraordinaire!