Music: Lady Gaga

Most of thought Kanye was off his rocker when he said some months ago that Lady Gaga was the new Madonna. Y’all were like, Lady Who??? Yeah, I know! I dug her first couple of songs. But I’m gay, and this stereotype is true, GAY MEN LOVE POP LOVE MUSIC! I mean Poker Face was in heavy rotation in 2-chome and the children were getting their lives!

It’s taken the rest of you a while to get in to her. She’s out there! Waaaaaay out there, like from the Oort Cloud! And that’s before you even really notice what she’s wearing, which is a best described as a hodge-podge of Madonna-inspired 80’s punk, ultra-modern European haute couture and apparently the Spring/Summer line of her home planet’s hottest fashion designer whose name can’t be properly expressed in any written Earth language but sounds alot like “Bob”. There’s also of course the matter of her live performances which are nothing if not intense. Still, all that aside, y’all can’t deny her sheer brilliance. I mean, at the end of the day, she can actually sing!

In her latest video, she combines the hottest Sea Monkey fashions, a bit of MJ’s (May the King rest in peace) Thriller, and more intergalactic haute couture than any three fashionistas styled personally by Kanye the God could shake a stick at!

You’ve seen it before, but I KNOW you want to see it again!

Fame Monster

Mission: MBA

In my last post, I wrote about Japan’s Yakuza hitting the books for their mobster MBA’s. I got mad jokes about the yakuza and just how pathetic some of them (lemme make sure I don’t wake up swimming with the fishes!) have become in their attempts to wade their way through this recession. Honestly, though we all gotta respect the hustle, especially when that hustle means getting an education. As an MBA student, I especially gotta respect that!

Thinking about my last though, I realized that I’ve made several references to going to school here in the City under Red Sun but, I’ve never really done a post on my educational pursuit. Truth is, that is the MAIN reason why I’m still here even after all the drama of the past few months, and really the past two years! A post on what I’m really doing is like waaay past due!

So here it is….

I’m a second-year MBA student at Temple University Japan, and in less than 6 months I will have earned my MBA. I still remember distinctly looking at schools all over the US, certain that I wanted to go home after my 3rd year on the the JET Programme. But, wanting to study international business, it just made more sense to try to find a program abroad. Yeah, I studied Spanish so there was alot of thought given to going to, you know, one of those really beautiful countries with warm climates and hot boys. But ultimately, I was already here in Japan and it seemed reasonable to stay put (read: I forgot all the Spanish I learned!). If nothing else, it would give me a chance and a valid reason to relocate to the city.

I studied for my GMAT, took the test and got all my application materials together and sent them off. I was so nervous when I came in for my interview that I needed buckets to collect all the sweat from my hands. My voice trembled and when Dr. Leeds extended his hand for a handshake, I felt that my wet, pruney hands sealed my rejection. But about a month later though, I was surprised to discover an email in my inbox kindly informing me that I was accepted! With a scholarship!! WHAAAAT!!! Boy, you couldn’t tell me nothing that day. Blasted that Kanye song ALL the way home! Bounan Middle School just don’t know, I was ready to quit on the spot!

My first class started about a month after that. And so almost every Saturday from 9am to 6pm, you can find me here on the 4th floor of Mita Hall taking in all in. It’s ALOT of work, I can’t lie. And it takes up ALOT of time. But me being me, I think these two factors have kept me out of alot of trouble. It’s also kept me from getting too too caught up in my own ever-changing mental, emotional and financial states. Like, you can’t spend all day in the bed depressed, or all night in the, ummm, far end of that street in Ni-chome when you got a case to write and presentation to prepare.

Looking back on these past 18 months, yeah, it has been alot of work. I’m always saying that I’m studying. And it really seems like I am. even though I’m man enough to admit that there are times when I’ve used studying as an excuse for being anti-social. But for real, IT IS NOT A GAME! And I haven’t been out on Friday night in only G-d knows how long. But I honestly, I feel like I’ve learned what I’ve needed to propel my entrepreneurial spirits. Six months from now when I graduate, I don’t know whether I’ll be staying here in my beloved City under Red Sun or moving on to fairer pastures (read: someplace where I can actually get paid something resembling what I’m worth), but with what I’ve learned in my courses, I really believe that I’m capable of doing it big, doing it right and making millions. And now I’m hungry!

I’m definitely not getting paid to say this! My, how I wish they were!!! But if you’re looking for an excellent MBA program (or any higher learning experience) in an international and very unique learning environment, Temple University Japan might be a good look for you.

Resident Extraordinaire: Aleksandar Dragicevic

I haven’t done one of these in a good, long while so I thought it was about that time to bring y’all another one of the City’s uber-talented resident extraordinaires. Previously, I served up the Polish sensation, Przemek; my own cocohime, Miss Mo; and last but never least, my tranny godmother, Anthony. This go ’round I want to serve up another helping of Eastern European genius, and dare I say, sexiness!

I can’t remember when or where we actually met for the first time, but it seems like I heard of him, this character referred to only by the name of his superstar diva idol, for ages. Needless to say, I was anticipating meeting some super-duper die hard fan whose entire existence is a tribute to his diva idol (envision all those Michael Jackson impersonators sliced up to look like MJ – may he rest in peace – or pretty much every third Black dude impersonating his favorite rapper impersonating Tony Montana). When we did end up meeting though, I was pleasantly surprised, and almost disappointed even.

The man I ended up meeting was instead an absolute sweetheart of a man named Aleksandar, or Alex for short. And did I mention he’s gorgeous? What is it about Eastern European men!?!

Born in the former Republic of Yugoslavia, this Serbian sensation is a long-time resident of the City Under Red Sun. And like so many other of my circle of acquaintances here, he is also an uber-talented artist, videographer to be exact, who draws his inspiration from theology (yes, theology, you heathens!) and technology. His vision, he describes, is a re-creation of reality with the freedom of abstraction. He says, “it is all about creating sense out of the nonsense and then gong back to nonsense.” If you follow my blog for real, then you’ve already seen his brilliance in the fabulous. When I asked what can people expect from him in the future, he forwarded me this!

ENJOY! Or as they say in the City Under Red Sun, douzo!!

And if you haven’t gotten into the Tranny Trash Burgers, do it! DO IT NOW!!!

For my more of Alex’s tranny fab video work, check out my previous post here!!!

The Dream….

OK, OK, OK! I’ll promise! From today, I will be posting AT LEAST twice a week! My word is bond!!

So the post…..

My dreams are very deceptive experiences. They’re so real I often go to sleep in the dream only to wake up in “real life” confused as to where/when I am, and if that last bit of craziness really just happened or not. Needless to say, they’re all quite memorable. And while I generally make it a point not to share my dream experiences, this is one that I have had repeatedly over the course of months, years even. I thought I’d share this one because it’s taken on some many new and profound meanings. So without any further ado, the Dream…

It’s cold. The night sky is moonless and dark, and the stars sizzle and pop electric in the crisp, cold air. I’m climbing a rough, rocky ridge. The jagged rocks cut my hands as I pull myself up. Pulling with my heads, pushing with my feet… no harnesses. I’m doing it all on my own. Indeed, I’m alone on this climb.

Pulling and pushing. I can’t see the ground. Pulling and pushing. I can’t see the peak. Blood, sweat and everywhere the metallic taste of iron. Pulling and pushing. Heaving and the heavy thumping of my heart.

And it comes as an unnerving shock. My hand reaching but not finding. Finally there is nothing left above me. Pulling myself up to the craggy landing of a summit, I can see the subtle lightening of the sky. A rainbow in black and indigo heralding the coming of the new day. Absolutely quiet. The world is still. All of G-d’s creation charged with anxious anticipation. I know now that I have come here to witness an event. And then bursting forth on the horizon, there is not one but TWO SUNS! And I know things will never be the same.

Behold the two sun dawn!

I know I (still) have a few loyal readers. I loved to hear from you. What do you think it means? And are you ready for your own two sun dawn?

Diva: A Reason (or Two) to Stan

I stans hard for Kanye!

Wanting to get it in (IMMEDIATELY) with Kanye has nothing to do with him being gay (or not). It’s a creative genius thing really. I mean, the man is a f-ing creative genius!!! If Jay-Z is our generation’s Sinatra and B is our Tina Turner, Kanye has to be like our generation’s Prince or Rick James! So he’s either gonna turn you out with just a look in his eye, or he’s gonna smack you, tie you up and beat you for three days! How could you deny him? World, I wonder… WHY WON’T YOU LET THIS MAN BE GREAT? Really??? LMAO

I mean, my man is from the 24th century for real. And Captain Kirk ain’t got anything on Kanye. We got him walking on the moon one minute and the next minute he’s giving us the raw and unadulterated fever. Peep how he even recruited the alien queen to star in his video… got her all paranoid! GENIUS!!!

Being the Boyfriend I Want to Have

It’s taken me longer to post than I would’ve liked. I’ve been pretty busy with work and school. But I’ve also been trying to take it easy, real easy… on my bank accounts. Truth is, I’m broke as hell and I just didn’t have the will or money to do it up as fabulously as I had been as of late. That funk has colored everything in my life. And I really didn’t want to blog about being all sad and depressed with no money, sitting in my apartment knocking off cartoon after cartoon of Häagen-Dazs Tiramisu ice cream (which is alternately, frozen crack and sex for your mouth). Nah, this really ain’t that kinda blog!

On a much lighter note, I came across this pic a few days ago on the net. Looking very much an upscale, Japanese version of a suicide vest, the Konkatsu [婚活: marriage-hunting] bra features a stop clock counting down to a set marriage deadline. According to the write-up on Japan Today, J-girl’s not gonna end up splattered on the sidewalk when the clock runs out though.  Nah, nothing happens unless an engagement ring is inserted between the cups,  at which point  “The Wedding March” plays to celebrate the pending nuptials.

Ridiculousness, I know! But it made me think. In my last post, I wrote about wanting to be in a relationship. Starting and maintaining a relationship in the City though is hard… for a million different reasons. It’s easy to get discouraged, and honestly, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t felt that way at some point. My recent “adventures” with the Seaman, Hershey and Half J have only made me that much more discouraged, like something is wrong with me.

Something wrong? With me!?! See, initially, the thought alone triggered my usual hyper-egomaniacal responses, like “Ain’t ish wrong with me!” But you know what? For once, I can admit it: something was wrong with me. That being that I didn’t actually carry myself like I wanted a relationship. Until recently you could’ve found me out, all drunk and loud, eyeing down everything moving, being anything but “boyfriend material” and in places everywhere but where you’d find a boyfriend. It wasn’t a good look! I’ll apply it to myself here… EPIC FAIL! Epic fail, indeed!

So my first move is act like I do indeed want a relationship. But this isn’t so much about impressing some block-head boy! No, this is about me loving me, taking better care of myself, and letting the love I have  naturally within radiate out. Simply put, I need to be to myself the boyfriend I want to have. And maybe that is somehting we all need to do… to be for ourselves the partner we want to have. Like the diva says: If you don’t love yourself, how you gonna love anybody else?

Do You Know Where You’re Going To?

Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?

Yeah, I’m having a Mahogany moment! LOL….

All jokes aside, things haven’t been the best here as of late. I know, I know, it seems like I’m having a fabulous time. And I am… when I’m out. When I’m home alone though my mind turns to the all the problems I’m facing and the troubling uncertainty of the future. I’ve avoided dealing with it all for so long but my time is running  short, and now I gotta move.

Job
So my contract at my current job ends on August 31. I’ve spent the past 3 months as something of a lame duck around the office, doing everything (i.e. this blog) except work. I honestly haven’t really looked for another job because I’ve been ambivalent about working here in Japan. My experience with Japanese companies and inter-office politics has been less than pleasant and that’s soured me somewhat against working for another Japanese company, especially one that doesn’t have a forward-looking, global perspective.

In my estimation, I could maybe survive on my unemployment benefits and financial aid refund. Instead of working I could focus on my creative projects which I’m dying to get out of my head. There are the T-shirt ideas that me and No. 1 have been trying to knock out since last year. There’s the novel my fingertips are aching to pound out. There are the hip-hop parties I want to put on Ni-chome.  And then there’s the online magazine that I’m hoping to rock the City with…. if only I had more time. Not having some lame 9-5 Pac-manning my time (and energy) might be just what I need to help me discover what I’m supposed to be doing in this life.

On the other hand, there was a job I saw posted the other day that I really REALLY want! I so want to say wish me luck but that feeling again….  ambivalence.

Apartment
So when I needed to move last year, I didn’t have anywhere near the 450,000JPY (about 4,200USD) that I needed for relocation costs. My company loaned me the money and in addition they signed my lease as a guarantor. This was a much appreciated favor at the time. But now that they’re not renewing my contract, I have to either sign a new lease or move exactly at a time when I have the money to do neither. Not to be too melodramatic but I could be homeless here in a few months if I can’t manage to finnagle something with this lease on the low low or find a new living situation. G-d knows I’ve hated my apartment since I moved-in but I’m not mentally or financially ready to move just yet.

Money
My job and housing problems are tied together by money, or more accurately, my lack of money. The City is expensive. Looking this fabulous in the City is even more expensive. And the truth is that despite all the getting around that I do, I’m always been something of financial interloper partying waaaay above my economic class. When I moved here last year I was out of work for 2 months, and money was crazy tight (read: non-existent). If it wasn’t for K-chan, my Momma and Deddy, and my Tranny Godmother, I wouldn’t have made it through. But I did! I got a job and then I got my financial aid refund, so I was aiight for a while. But with the return of the Summer, the well’s run dry. And the bills are stacking up! Even had a Japanese bill collector call the other asking for money and making their “pay-or-else” threats. LOL…. Like my Momma says though you can’t get blood from a stone! Still there’s always the knot in my stomach I get whenever people are calling demanding money that I don’t have.

Love

Over the past year or so, I’ve had a string of terrible relationships in what I characterize as bad love karma. Seems all those years of being careless with other people’s feelings have finally caught up with me. Well, that plus the fact that I (still) have a real problem with monogamy – both the concept and the execution. In any case I’ve been single for the past few months… and hating it! I’ve tried to focus on my school work and my work work and whatever else I could find to occupy my time. G-d knows that I ate my ice cream, but for some things there really are no substitutes! LOL…

I’ve had my lil’ crushes, most recently Half J, but nothing’s panned out so far. I go out with my friends and we party, and I usually end up waaay too drunk (when I shouldn’t even be drinking at all) and waaay past inappropriate… with everybody! LOL Admittedly, my partying may lead some people to get the wrong idea of me. I’m not a lush nor am I a man-whore! I guess a part of me is just lonely and the other part is trying to compensate. I want someone, someone to be here by myside for a while. I believe that everything happens in its own time but damn….tick tick.

*******

At the end of the day, I lie in the bed sleepless, my mind racing. I’m trying to find out where exactly it is that my life is headed. Wondering whether I truly am the “master of my fate” or and the “captain of my soul”. Standing on the verge of another entirely new life, I’m not so sure anymore.

A Touch of Mania

It’s hard to say when it started, when one thing became another. It all happened so gradually, so piece meal, that I thought I was on top of it and could keep it under control. Maybe I was wrong. I think that after months of being weighed down by the heavy gravity of melancholia, I really just wanted to feel something different. And when I did I took a lot of liberties in my celebration, an extra drink (or three) here, a few inordinate purchases there, a few random hookups, and more than a few nights when I gave myself an extra 30 to finish up some movie (when I should’ve cleaning or studying or sleep!). These are all extravagances a person struggling with bipolar disorder should not allow himself. And now the battle to pull myself up has turn into a struggle to hold myself together.

It started with a few thoughts that, no matter how quick I’m supposed to be, always seemed to be racing ahead of my ability to articulate them. Then my hands sweat. My legs ache and twitch (later they’ll shake uncontrollably). My senses sharpen. Every sight, brighter and clearer and sharper. Every taste and smell, stronger and fuller and sickeningly immutable. Every sound, cleaner, louder and shriller. And my sense of touch… every hair on my body vibrates, every nerve electric. It feels like I am coming out of skin. I am so “alive” it hurts.

Then the hunger starts. Hunger for food, yes. But more, I have to have all. Last time, I burned through $15,000 in the course of a month…. and no, I’m not balling anywhere near that. Luckily, I have no money this go round and every yen I’m aching to spend is tempered by the knowledge that I’m 3 months away from being out of job and broke (and maybe homeless). Still, that insatiable hunger to spend and consume is there. I won’t even really get started on my sex drive which is off the meter and through the roof.  It makes it even harder (no pun intended) to focus.

And the minutes become hours. It’s 3, 4, 5am and I can’t sleep. My body weary for rest but my mind is still going warp speed ahead. I won’t sleep tonight (or tomorrow night either). Instead, I will experience a million manic epiphanies, milliseconds of megalomanic greatness in something that if I could only hold would change the world. Or so I think. I could write this brilliant novel of reconciliation of G-d and the devil. I could create this really hot T-shirt line with #1. I could build this super dope online magazine. I could write this business plan for the first and only Soul food restuarant in the city. I could be sensible and look for a job that’s actually going to support me. If.Only.I.Could.Hold.On. So I’m chasing. This is me losing my mind.

This is mania.